Really feeling the dream-like nature of this plane last night – in part probably because of my illness and the medication I’m taking for it – I paused in a life review and sat up in bed.

(Here I’d just like to urge anyone following a conscious path to start thorough life reviews right now, and not to wait for the death-transition for it to take you unaware)

I sat up in bed, as I was saying, and looked around.

Warren coughing in his sleep and both dogs sleeping on the carpet at the end of the bed; their preferred sleeping arrangement despite a brand new mattress. Dogs really like the institution of Family. It’s their natural place in the world, as part of a semi-formal gang.

I got up then and watched the gods-damned-idiot-box for a couple of hours. Interestingly, both programs focused around people in packs: Sons of Anarchy and The Sopranos.

Humans, too, seem to need to feel they are a part of something larger than themselves. A family, a bike gang…a religion.

For myself, I’ve never before now felt that call too strongly. I seem to have wandered around the fringes of groups all my life;  sometimes agreeing with them, sometimes not, but never joining. I have never really seen the need. The Universe and all of Life has seemed enough for me to “belong” to. Humans? You can have them.

But feeling that family bond around my little human and canine  group last night cast this way of living into doubt .

Synchronistically,while thinking over the apparently inborn need of (most) humans to connect with others, I came across this article , which references this need in relation to human addiction.

Briefly, the article goes through the reasons why our current models of addiction may be wrong. It looks at the addicted-rat studies of years gone by, war vets’ addiction rates, Portugal’s recent drug addiction experiment, as well as the mystery of why surgical patients treated with heroin don’t hit the streets immediately after their release in search of a fix.

There’s perhaps not enough data yet for us to draw conclusions, but the theory posited is extremely interesting – not least, to me, because I am an addict – and does deserve some serious thought.

Could, in brief, the mechanism behind addiction not be so much the “hijacked brain” but more the addict’s own sense of connection – or lack of it – with his or her environment?

I’m inclined to think the idea has great merit, from personal experience with my own lack of community membership, but it’s probably much more nuanced and complicated than just the one factor.


11 responses to “Connections?

  1. Amazing, must get this book and try to read it. A boozer &drug abuser since Age 14 and always an outsider, I only got “clean” when I got back to Hekate. She is my pack, along with my Family.

    I used to be a joiner, but with Jupiter and Uranus conjunct in my 1st house, shit eventually blows up, so I try to spare myself these days.

    And Momento Mori, yep life review frequently. Have you ever read Ly de Angeles on Mulengro? It is a rubric I use to assess current and past behaviors.

    Feel better.
    Xo belle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Younger you sounds a lot like younger me. 🙂 Not surprising.
      I have Jupiter and Mercury conjunct in my 1st house, technically…this would I think have a very different expression to Jupiter and Uranus conjunct in that space,although I’m fuzzy on what that expression would be.
      Oh gods….I’ve heard of Ly de Angeles but I’ve never read her, and this Mulengro sounds remarkably like Wetiko. We recognise it by many names, then.

      T in J


  2. I don’t recognize a “now ” in any of this and so I am always doing the comparisons of relationships between memory and trying to look at the good, the bad and the ugly in myself without passing any valuation on them which is harder in practice than in theory. There seems to be a zero point in this where whether or not I could recognize it at the time, I depended on others to reflect whatever image of myself my imagination created. I think what we imagine ourselves to be often flies in the face of whatever we happen to be. On the other hand, becoming is a more difficult struggle with all the player piano reactions I have to others simply based on my own biases, that, in turn reflect on negative connotations in my self imaging, but it’s like the old saying of making lemonade from lemons.


    • Bruce, as a female I’ve struggled with others’ perceptions of me just about all my life. It’s a barbed wire straitjacket. It comes second nature to many, if not most, females to riff off those reflections.
      But wetiko’s mark of disgrace is not being able to be seen in a mirror. And wetiko is a master disconnector of what we become often from who we really are.
      Some sleight of hand is probably needed to see the source of our disconnection at all.
      Terri in Joburg


      • I agree and males have the same issue in “belonging” and I think the common denominator is fear,
        Fear of ourselves, and fear of others and to make matters worse our culture is deeply engaged in a wide variety of societal addictions all around us. Some are considered sacred and some profane. A lot of this seems to be back filling a void that these societal norms create. It’s a balancing act for me to bridge the inner and outer worlds I occupy and at times they are very distinct. This third world of exchange for me is crucial, as the way I see this, it’s not one or the other as a duality. Expansion versus contraction in my reality tunnel or universe. Feedback is needed but not the arbiter for me in terms of an ultimate valuation. Its always a work in progress.
        Living by accepting this my own skin, my own company is for me is equal to the importance of any amount of intimacy with others as for me, one hand washes the other in a reciprocal exchange. It does take a conscious effort and some days are easier than others. Sometimes I have learned that I need to cut myself some slack. Stop putting pressure on myself.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes. Fear-at origin, fear of self-is key.
    I was just considering a few hours ago that I’ve lost almost all my fear, except for the fear of myself; or rather, what may lie within me. This I’m working on. Largely in solitude, as it must be.
    Terri in Joburg


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