Sometime in this week, between the enforced observance of a holiday which has little meaning for me and the knuckling down to some real, meaty work at my new place of employment – somewhere in there I suddenly realised, with a bit of a shock, that I was actually happy.
I know that sounds a little strange. Sure, I’ve had my periods of deep grief, spiritual torture and incandescent rage. But I’m still a highly privileged person, able to make my way materially in this culture without too much pain. Although that ability has, let me not deny, come at a price.
But it seemed to me, sometime last week, that I had paid my dues in great gobs by now, and that there was absolutely no reason for me to be a miserable old fart any longer.
Certainly, this culture is killing its landbase -and thus itself – at a rate which will cause us, and all the other life forms on the planet, much sorrow well into the future.
Certainly, the Patriarchy is clinically insane and we are turning on each other like overcrowded lab rats.
That’s all very true – and yet…as an individual, I have my health, enough wealth not to have to worry about it, beautiful and beloved companions to share my personal space, and -lately – a job which I take great joy in doing, in an environment which doesn’t stretch my survival resources to the limits every single day, the way they were stretched at Osiris Trading.
There is no necessity for me to be grumpy and depressed in my personal self. And yet I think I was giving the impression – to myself – that I was.
Let me face it: I can work to take down the culture as well -perhaps even better – in a happy, joyful frame of mind as I can in an enraged one.
And so I shifted my attitude.And in that shift, I noticed that the veneer of the world became a little more hazy than it had been. Outlines wobbled, and perspectives shifted. Starting to see the illusion of what we’re walking around in, from a clear and deeply contented soul-set, has become much easier. I listen more deeply and see more clearly to what is real. And that is the essential god-ness , the precise and unmistakable mark of creator divinity of every last living energy we’re swimming among. And that is a further joy, just in itself.