Prized Possessions

Since I was very small, I have had two besetting shadows: anger, and grief over others losing their physical possessions.

How odd is that? Not the anger, so much. I can vividly call up white-hot anger from as young as four years old – some people seem to come into the world that way and I’m one of them. But fear of people losing their stuff? That’s just messed up.

I can recall one of my earliest emotions as being very anxious that my family didn’t lose the things they valued. I would have visions of getting all my loved ones’ prized possessions together in my embrace and whisking them to safety – the things, not the people. It often took the form of a long wooden toy train which I would remove to a safe place to stop the anxiety.

Now, I suffered most of my life from one form of anxiety or another; most marked and longest-lasting was my agoraphobia, which only fled from me utterly after I was taken apart completely and re-assembled.

I have scoured the internet for some mention of this very strange fear, but  all that comes up is the fear of losing one’s own possessions. That doesn’t worry me much. I tend to throw stuff away rather than hoard – I’m not much for keeping material possessions and I feel better with fewer. But the thought of someone close to me losing, failing to gain, or hungering for some…thing causes a great ache in my heart.

Deep personal anger is common enough that it was among the first shadow-puppets to arise in me when I went looking. I continue to deal with it on a daily basis. But this bizarre fear for the attachments of other people is just…loopy.

I have no idea what this is. Just that I’ve always harboured it. Time to haul it out, I think, and expose it to some light.
Or some Ancestors. You listening, my People?

Pic: from Lolsnaps.com

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10 responses to “Prized Possessions

  1. I do think that's it – a wailing child has always the potential to break our hearts, huh?Dune…I'm on my one-millionth re-reading of the six Herbetarian books!"You say 'Look, I have hands!And everyone around you says 'What are hands?'"Love,Terri in Joburg

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  2. Well that book was definitely not written by him. For one thing, I didn't have 30 words scribbled down at the end that I have to look up in the dictionary. :DStill pretty good, though. I can tell he left detailed notes. The ending reminded me of the ending of Battlestar Galactica, though Dune obviously came first."Throughout history the nexus between man and machine has spun some of the most dramatic, compelling and entertaining fiction."

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  3. I think they did better than most others would have. I've never seen anyone capable of filling Frank's shoes.I wouldn't even have bought it (and Hunters of Dune) until I read God Emperor, which showed that the child can match a talented parent, and in some cases exceed them.Not a big fan of a series just going on and on and on, though. I've yet to read Hunters, but it probably should've stopped with the finale.

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  4. Do you have the miniseries? They are a good interpretation, and the story goes right up to God Emperor. Apart from a short stint of inexplicable "Paul, the moody teenager" they did at the very beginning, it's about as true to the books as anyone can make it.The film takes liberties, but has its own charm.

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  5. I've got the first miniseries on the desktop, somewhere, but not the Children of Dune, which was much better I believe. I'm actually going to try to find it now online -thanks for the reminder.The Lynch film..well, I can handle it only through knowing the book so well. For people not so familiar with Dune, it must have been a freaking nightmare!Love,T in J

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  6. The film convinced me to check out a series I'd always dismissed as boring. Until I saw it I never really understood the term "camp". The unsanctioned extended cut does a good job of getting the core story across, and I doubt anyone will ever be able to cast a more spot-on lady Jessica.They're actually making another one, but I'm betting it's going to be terrible."It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, lips acquire stain, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."

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  7. Boy, that new film is so on-again-off-again I don't know what's happening. You're right about Francesca Annis though – a great Jessica. I didn't care for the miniseries one at all.(But Paul was much better cast in the series).Love,T in J

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