Warning – what follows is not going to sound good.
I feel I must say it, however, if only as a record for the future, perhaps helping to explain when and how I finally started to lose it with the civilised people around me.
I’ve never been particularly good at fitting in to the society I found myself born into, but that was mostly explained to me by the adults in charge of my education and conditioning as an unavoidable by-product of being so highly intelligent.
At a measured IQ of over 150 – later in my young adulthood it hit 170-175 quite regularly – I’ve normally had a problem understanding why something which was quite obvious to me wasn’t even on the radar of most folks around me.
For a while I pandered to this sense of superiority by studying Physics, Mathematics and Astronomy – the ‘hardest’ sciences I could find, which seemed to give me some kind of pleasure and even more of an explanation for being different. Eventually, however, as I became sensitised to the actual, real world in which I found myself – the world of Life everywhere, and much of it nonhuman – and as I finally began to grow up a bit, I noticed that this feeling of not fitting in had not gone away. It was more pronounced than ever.
And so I find myself resident in a country with an average IQ of just 70, surrounded front and back and on all sides with humans who seem to me the epitome of insanity – if insanity can be imagined as that quality of not giving a shit about the future, the matrix which sustains you, and the nonhuman intelligences all around one.
I’m having a pity party right now, yes. I’ll snap out of it in due time, I know. But right now I feel my strangeness very keenly, and the only explanation I can put upon it is that I’m still diverging widely from the culture of my birth.
The Wetiko culture, the culture of the dangerously insane, the culture of the zombie.