It’s The….


The Large Hadron Collider makes its debut today, amid lawsuits and some measure of fear that the daft physicists are about to kill us all.

Actually, that might be a mercy killing, but nevermind.

I’m sure it’s not just me, but that CERN globe looks like an upended wicker basket. Oh well, at least the LHC went to the establishment with the right name.

The idea here, in a nutshell, is to speed up some particles (protons, usually being easiest to get hold of and least difficult to control) to huge speeds by circling them around a track until they’re almost at light speed and then –zing!- the daft physicists place an object in their path,* and observe the ensuing carnage.
Usually this means looking at all kinds of subatomic particles flying off from the collision, and presumably learning more about them -like how they can stop world hunger or put the godsdamned ice floes back.

Daft physicists are flocking to CERN at this moment, most of them hoping that they’ll be the ones to actually find the UPSAP (Ultimate Patronising SubAtomic Particle) , also known as the Higgs Boson.

Which is, you know, theoretically existent, it’s just that we’ve never actually seen one. How embarrassing.

Anyway guys, if we all disappear in a puff of mini black hole sometime around lunchtime today. it’s been good knowing you.

I’ll probably go out singing:

” SIX , six SEVEN -the NEIGHbour of the Beast..”

*= Apologies. That’s indeed what I wrote this morning. I obviously was not paying sufficient attention-probably due to the proximity of the threat of death-by-blackhole.
The LHC is of course a hadron collider, not a fixed-target accelerator. So daft physicists will not, in fact, be trying to place a stationary object in the path of flying protons. They will instead be attempting to crash two beams of flying protons into each other.
I hope this makes you feel safer.

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7 responses to “It’s The….

  1. There were a minority of physicists during the manhattan project who feared that a nuclear detonation would set off a chain reaction that would consume the Earth and turn it into a new sun. So, what does THAT tell you about how good physicists are, overall, with the very science they are all supposed to be expert in?During the arms race, as America and the USSR got into a pissing contest concerning who had the biggest, baddest nuclear weapon, the Soviets actually SCALED BACK a warhead from it’s theoritical yeild of 100 Megatons to around 50, for fear that the full scale test would be so dirty it would contaminate most of the world with a massive amount of fallout. Imagine THAT, the evil soviets being concerned about FALLOUT, of all things!The sheer horror of what that bomb did I think might have sobered both sides up a bit.And no, we will not be consumed by a black hole because everybody knows God already has an armeghedon planed out for us and supreme beings will NOT be denied their fun…….

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  2. I’m not worried about that, not much point in an omnipresent spirit worrying about such things. It’s actually interesting work on their part, but they are not going to prove the origins of the universe doing it because they are looking at it in the wrong way.I’m more fearful about a monkey in a car taking me out, or a monkey with a gun taking me out than I am some scientists trying to prove something. Hon, it’s the little shit you should sweat and worry about, don’t worry, the universe isn’t going to disappear anytime soon. Terri may because some monkey takes her out, or an act of nature, but Terri isn’t the universe, just a cosmic bit of dust in it. Your higher self is much bigger than that so you shouldn’t spend to much time worrying about one silly little Terry anymore than I spend worrying about one little Billy. I’ll probably go out singing:My choice would be sexing, but whatever.

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  3. Sometimes the most logical parts of things elude me. Like, why do we spend a gazillion dollars on something that breaks up protons? If the doggone machine doesn’t cure a single disease, why mess with it?

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  4. Sometimes the most logical parts of things elude me. Like, why do we spend a gazillion dollars on something that breaks up protons? If the doggone machine doesn’t cure a single disease, why mess with it?Ann, what part of ‘God is trying to figure himself/herself out’, don’t you understand? That is just a part of the path to that discovery. Hon, there is no need to cure everything and heal everyone so that they live forever. What part of ‘this planet is over populated’ don’t you understand? We keep making more parts of us, if we keep saving the older parts of us that will surely overburden the planet and kill it. Without a large reduction in the populations I do not want to see more saved, not even me if I get sick.Well, it’s that way with an omnipresent spirit. Kick the population down to two billion wiser spirits and I’ll give a big thumbs up to living 500 years. Not sure I would want to work for 400 years before retirement though. 62 years this time around was damn well enough.

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